


love is a dangerous weapon

by letsgetalittleseethrough



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: (all the Parkers are vampires), F/M, this is like a bad cross between P&P&zombies and Twilight, vampire!Sidney
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetalittleseethrough/pseuds/letsgetalittleseethrough
Summary: “How long has it been since you were in Sanditon, Mr. Parker?”Sidney tried to think of an answer that was far from the truth. “A long time, Miss Heywood. Oh, 5 months?”“A long time,” she echoed, looking at him as if trying to work out whether he was making fun of her.In truth, it had been 500 years.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 23
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title paraphrased from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. As I said in the tags, the main inspirations for this fic were that novel, and also Twilight (of which I read as a teenager approximately 65 years ago.) This fic is all kinds of ridiculous and very different from my other Sanditon fic but I hope you all enjoy :))

**May, 18-**

“Sidney!” Tom Parker roared, as his brother stepped out of the carriage. 

“Tom,” Sidney greeted, calmer in comparison. “It’s been a while.” 

“A while? Why, I positively thought you’d never return. Come, man, how are you?” 

Sidney hung his head at Tom’s remark, but followed him into his house. “I am tolerable. How is Sanditon?” 

Tom’s eye gleamed as he lead them into the parlour. Sidney resisted the urge to groan.

“It’s all coming together, brother! Sanditon will soon put Brighton to shame!” 

_You’ve been saying that for the past millennium_ , Sidney thought wearily, already missing Antigua - zombie-ridden or none. 

“Oh, you’ll never guess what,” Tom said in what he probably imagined was a casual way. 

“...What?” Sidney was forced to ask. 

“There shall soon be a human living under this roof.” 

Sidney inhaled sharply, as though the human was already there (no, it was OK - he would be able to… smell them…) 

“A human? Living under your- _Tom_ -” 

“She saved Mary and I from a viscous horde of zombies,” Tom said mildly, not appearing to notice the change in his brother. “It was only polite to ask her here.” 

Sidney stared. “A _woman_ , proficient in the art of beheading the undead?” 

Tom laughed. “Come, now, it is not the 1400s. She was quite a sight to behold.” 

Both of them could hear Sidney’s teeth grinding. Tom hesitated, then patted Sidney on the shoulder. “Well, I shall leave you to get settled. I’m glad you wrote ahead - Mary had this morning been about to store the last century’s dresses in your room.” He attempted a broad smile. “I do hope Antigua was pleasant?” 

“I shall not speak of it,” Sidney said darkly. 

After a beat, Tom nodded. “Very well. Very well. Good to see you, brother.” 

Tom excused himself to “get on with business”, but Sidney remained in the parlour for a moment longer. A human woman to live under the Parker’s roof… a woman who could kill zombies.... He would have to remain vigilant. The Parker’s were strictly vegetarian, but she could prove a temptation… 

Not that anyone could hold a candle to Eliza. Poor, dear, dead Eliza. 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

He ran straight into Mrs Griffiths upon leaving Trafalgar House - or maybe she chose to run into him, for she gasped: 

“Mr. Parker, Mr. Parker! Oh, some new lady has arrived in Sanditon! Oh!” 

Sidney fought the urge to roll his eyes at her theatrics. “New ladies will make my brother very happy, no doubt… but I take it you do not approve?” 

Somehow, Mrs Griffiths eyes widened even further. “Her petticoat was 2 inches deep in blood, Mr. Parker! Blood! And she had a cruel look in her eye, let me tell you…” 

“She” could only be Tom’s saviour, Sidney decided with a sinking feeling. But he had other matters to attend to. 

“I wish to visit Georgiana,” he told Mrs Griffiths, who paled slightly. “...I take it she is safe in the boarding house?” 

Mrs Griffiths did not even need to open her mouth for Sidney to know this was not the case. He fought the urge to groan - a risky behaviour in these times, for it could make people think you were a member of the undead. 

“I’ll go and find her,” he sighed, cursing his luck. 

\--- 

“Otis, my darling, try and drink something…” 

In Georgiana’s arms, Otis Molyneux let out the groan of a dying man. This did not trouble Georgiana, for you see- 

“I shall bring you back to life, my love,” she whispered, looking at the zombied form of the man she loved. They were deep in the basement of the Crown Hotel, Georgiana having twisted her bank’s ear for money to bribe the staff. Enough money and people could overlook anything. 

“Dr. Fuchs is working on a cure,” she told Otis, who groaned again. “And he _will_ be successful…” 

\---

Charlotte was wary of Sanditon. 

At first, there had been nothing but excitement - but then Tom Parker’s promise of there being “no zombies within 15 miles of Sanditon” turned out to be a blatant lie (she had the bloodied petticoat to prove it), and she wondered what else he might have fabricated. 

But she could not deny - once a gang of the undead had been duly beheaded and she was back in the carriage, taking what time she had to enjoy the view - that the sea was _spectacular_. 

(Of course, if she peered too closely she could see blood in the water and see the flailing limbs of those stupid enough to venture in… but she soon stopped looking too closely.) 

Upon arrival her petticoat was the cause of many whispers and sharp intakes of breath, but Charlotte held her head high - her father had raised her to be proud of her zombie-slaying prowess. 

Mary greeted her as if nothing was amiss, and the children were blissfully free of the gormless, life-drained faces or stiff movements that might indicate that their end was near. 

“Tom wishes to call on Lady Denham,” Mary told her. “Though, thanks to her soldiers, Sanditon is free of any soulless creatures, I am always a little afraid each time we make the journey, so I will be glad to have you with me, Charlotte.” 

“I shall be ready to behead,” Charlotte promised, “- just after I have had a change of clothes, that is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has anyone seen the "Cyberwoman" episode of Torchwood? That was my inspiration for Georgiana and Otis!


End file.
